Dapbim

Just a quick note to tell you all how delightful it is to have a stomach bug. Particularly when you’re 30 weeks pregnant and there always seems to be a body part in your intestines and stomach. Joy.

Was supposed to go for my third ultrasound yesterday, but spent the morning in the bathroom instead…

Today was one of them. It started with my having to get up for a wee at 5am, and not really managing to get back to sleep properly, so that when the alarm went off at 7am, I already felt like I’d been run over by a lorry. Still, I got up for work, where I promptly started feeling sick. I really hope this isn’t the return of morning sickness for the third trimester.

I then also had crap jobs to do at work (basically sorting articles, photocopying them and filing them in various folders), so when the main disappointment of the day happened, I had really had it up to here. It wasn’t anything big, but I’d found an advert for a pram I really wanted on an internet forum. I’d told the seller straight away (within about 20 minutes of her post) that I was really interested, and asked her if I could round and see it on Monday. She hadn’t replied, so I wrote to her again today, and asked whether she had received my mail. She replied that she’d sold the pram yesterday. Fair enough,  she’d not promised me anything, but I had got my hopes up over the weekend, and so I was really disappointed.

Meh. Today was pants. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow, let’s hope tomorrow is better…

I wonder, is anybody ever 100% confident that they will have a healthy baby? Because I’m certainly not. I have absolutely no reason to believe that this pregnancy is anything but normal, nor that the baby I am carrying (and who is currently kicking the living daylights out of me) is anything but practically perfect in every way. And yet, for the life of me, I can’t. Stop. Worrying.

We have yet to buy anything much for the baby, because we wanted to get the Christmas spending out of the way first, and seeing as how we don’t have a nursery until we move house in the summer, we didn’t really want a ton of stuff lying around in the meantime anyway. As you may have noticed Christmas is over, which means I now have a green light to go mad and buy all of those gorgeous baby clothes I have been drooling over for the past 6 months (who I am kidding? More like the past 6 years!), plus get serious about all of the research I have been doing about prams and pushchairs etc. And am I? No. Why? Because it feels weird. I have started getting the odd nesting moments, in which I have, for example, searched the internet and put together a list of everything I need to buy before the baby gets here. Up to now, I have crossed the socks off that list. They were on sale in the local supermarket. And I spent hours, if not the next entire day afterwards paying attention to every little movement the baby makes, to ensure I haven’t jinxed things.

It’s ridiculous really. I feel panicky if I don’t buy stuff, because it makes me feel unprepared. I feel panicky if I even think about buying stuff though, because it seems so premature. What if something goes wrong, and I have a house full of baby stuff and no baby to put in it? I still just can’t get my head around the idea that in 3 months time, I will most likely be bringing a baby back to this flat, for good. It’s like I can’t allow myself to believe that, because the alternative is so dreadful.

Tell me I’m not being a total freak? Mums out there, were you ever totally confident that your baby would be ok until you held him/her in your arms?

the productivity thing is a bit swings and roundabouts at the moment. I was really goodon Wednesday, got loads done and was really proud of myself. Yesterday, I was pants and seemed to spend the majority of the day allowing myself to be distracted. Today, we went for lunch with some friends, as Marc was able to take the day off, and I too have to go back to working outside of the home on Monday, and that kind of put a spanner in the works. I did some chores and some smaller tasks on the computer, but a 3 hour break in the middle of the day meant that it hardly seemed worth starting anything beforehand, and by the time we got back, it was almost dark, and so I couldn’t really motivate myself to do any serious work then either. Oh well, it’s hard changing the habits of a lifetime I guess, I’ll just have to keep at it.

Lunch was really nice though - we met up with one of Marc’s colleagues and his wife, along with their 6 month old daughter. It’s hillarious to watch Marc trying to “learn” to parent in the same way he learns other things - through logical conclusions and accurate analysis. Everytime Mia whined, or cried, or did most anything at all, he wanted to know exactly why she was doing it, and what Jan and Claudia would do to remedy the situation. I half expected him to start taking notes! It was so cute!

This meme is from “What Privileges Do You Have?”, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.

Bold all things that apply to you.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children’s books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.

17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child.
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.

28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
In the spirit of the exercise, each item you bold represents one step forward, or you can think of it as a bit of a head start or leg up. It is obviously designed to make us aware of how much privilege we did or didn’t enjoy growing up, and how our class background has affected our lives

Happy new Year everyone! We had an extremely quiet New Year’s Eve with some good food and a film, followed by watching the fireworks over Munich out of our living room skylight at midnight. It was great.

I know I said yesterday that I wasn’t going to make any resolutions, but I did think of one today - I plan to be more productive in 2008. I realise that my definition of productive will most definitely change once the baby is here, but I spend far too much of my free time doing nothing in particular - I check blogs, e-mail etc and all of a sudden an hour or four have passed. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan to stop reading your blogs, but I do plan to prioritise better, and to concentrate on the important tasks first. If this works out the way I plan, I will actually be a lot less stressed, and have more time at the end of the day to do fun things, because the chores and jobs I have to do could be completed far more quickly if I actually commited myself to them 100% instead of continously taking breaks to see if so-and-so has updated his/her blog in the last 30 minutes. So that’s the plan. I started today, and actually feel like I’ve achieved quite a lot, so that was a good start. Now, I’ve just got to keep it up!

Anybody else got any resolutions?

(insert obligatory apologies for absence over stress-laden build up to festive season here!)

Hey! A belated Merry Christmas everyone! Ours was spent at Marc’s parents’ and was relatively quiet and traditional. How was yours?
Linda posted her yearly meme about the year that was, so here goes:

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
 Well, there’s the getting pregnant thing of course. And then I had a bike accident that wasn’t my fault and broke my elbow. I’m sure there are other little things too, like new dishes I cooked etc. Oh, and I learned how to do proper bookkeeping over the past few days, and founded a company with Marc.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
 Do you know, I’m not sure I made any. Possibly to do more sport, which I kept up quite well until the accident, which was then followed by the pregnancy, and now I do next to nothing, which I would quite like to change a bit, by, for example, taking longer walks. This would be easier if I wasn’t crippled with joint and round ligament pain after the first 10 minutes. As for resolutions for this year, I doubt I’ll be making any.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
 Well, a colleague gave birth last February and I’ve become quite close to her over the past year. Other than that, a ton of people I am close to got pregnant and will be giving birth over the next couple of months.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
 Thank heavens, no. I mean, one of my budgies died, but that doesn’t really count, because she hated me.
5. What countries did you visit?
 No where overly exciting this year. I live in Germany, and visited France, Spain, Britain and probably Austria at some point. That’s about it.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
 A longer temper. And one of those thermos mug things that I asked for for Christmas and didn’t get.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
 Well, the 25th July was the aforementioned accident, and I filled that out on so many claims forms that I am not likely to forget it in a hurry. Apparently, the 15th July was also our conception date, although we were helping friends move house on that day, so who knows. Other than that, I mainly have dates for next year to remember (25th February, the day I stop work, 16th February, Marc’s cousin’s due date, 8th March, my schoolfriend’s due date, 8th April, my due date, must I continue?…)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 Erm… I feel kind of bad about saying getting pregnant, because it all happened so easily and we were so lucky. I’m pretty proud of how well I am doing with the bookkeeping thing, although I’d always thought it was totally not something I’d be good at.
9. What was your biggest failure?
 Not getting back into at least some sort of sport after the accident I think. Obviously, there were a lot of things that made it difficult, but I do feel that I could have done more.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 Apart from the broken elbow thing, I did quite well this year and was hardly ever ill at all.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
 I love my new bike. And my maternity jeans with the full panel. And my new winter boots that I have worn every day for the past month. I also love my apple slicer - it’s the little things you know.-
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
 Marc’s definitely. Pregnancy does not always make me an easy person to live with. As always, my father in law’s, because of the way he takes care of my mother in law. My brother Daniel’s, because he just up and moved to South Korea, putting my emigration to Germany somewhat in the shade.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
 My own, quite often. Various politicians and celebrities. Britney Spears depressed me a lot this year, as she quite clearly needs help.
14. Where did most of your money go?
 To the taxman, sadly. Of the money I spent, most likely on food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 Being pregnant is a bit of a no-brainer on this one.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
 Sadly, that ridiculous Umbrella song by Rihanna
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
 about the same, definitely fatter and maybe slighly richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
 Exercise!
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
 Monging about doing nothing
20. How did you spend Christmas?
 At the in-laws, Marc’s mother’s side on Christmas Eve, his dad’s side on Christmas Day
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
 I guess you could say I fell in love with the baby who is currently kicking the living daylights out of my colon, yes. I don’t think I’d let anybody else get away with that at all hours of the day and night, so I guess this is love ;o)
22. What was your favorite TV program?
 Grey’s Anatomy, definitely. And of course, my soap from back home, Coronation Street.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
 Do you know, I don’t think I hate anyone at all on a serious long term basis.
24. What was the best book you read?
 I got very excited over Harry Potter, didn’t we all?
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
 Here’s a confession, I couldn’t really care less about music. Marc is always listening to something, and I don’t mind most of what he listens to, so he generally choses. I listened to a fair bit of Gwen Stefani at the beginning of the year, but I couldn’t really call it a discovery.
26. What did you want and get?
 Pregnant?! And of course Christmas presents, like my voucher for the beauty salon so I can get my legs waxed when I stop being able to see my feet, and my Chanel mascara, and my bike and my new warm socks etc etc.
27. What did you want and not get?
 One of those thermos mugs I linked above
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
 hmmm… my first thought was Harry Potter again, but actually, I didn’t think it was all that, and just loved it because it was Harry. I saw so many films on DVD this year, but there isn’t really one that sticks in my minds as being the greatest…
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
 Not much, I don’t think. I was at work, then Marc and I went out for dinner at our favourite Italian, and I had a glass of wine, which is about as exciting as it gets when you’re 3 months pregnant. I was 27.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
 I really don’t know. I would have liked to spend more time with my family, especially my brother before he went to South Korea, and I wish I was better at keeping in touch with all of my amazing friends.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
 First half of the year: Serious attempt at casual/elegant, second half of the year: If it fits and is comfortable, hand it over.
32. What kept you sane?
 Chocolate. Hot baths. My Seabands.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
 Patrick Dempsey.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
 The public smoking ban here in Germany. 35. Who did you miss?
 My family, as always. My Nanna, who died 2 years ago.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
 Erm… Nicki was last year, right? Who did I meet this year? Emil, my friend’s son is very cute…
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
 Cycling on the cycle path does not necessarily mean you will not get knocked of your bike by a car. And it is always worth going home to collect your cycle helmet.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I’ve never even heard this song, but Google informs me a person/band called Tobymac once said “Welcome to the Quiet before the Storm”. That’s kind of this year for me. Next year is going to be full of so many changes, careerwise and with the baby, that I just feel like this year has been pretty uneventful leading up to next year… Bring it on!

Happy New Year everyone!!

…because I have a stinking cold, and any posts I were to be forced to make would mainly consist of whinging about the sore throat, the snot (oh my lord, the snot!), the sleeplessness and the return of the pregnancy food aversions, in combination with the husband who wants pork chops for dinner tonight… what could I possibly have done to make him hate me so?

So I’ll shut up for today, and leave you with my gorgeous baby brother, who is 18 today for crying out loud!! When did that happen?

(Also, get a load of that figure! Why didn’t I appreciate that when I had it?)

I had my first appointment at the maternity home I hope to have this baby in this afternoon. I was a bit tense, because I’d really set my heart on that place without ever having been there in person, and I was afraid I might be disappointed.
I wasn’t, at all. I arrived, and was greeted at the door by the midwife, who introduced herself straight away using her first name (and the “informal” version of “you” - a big thing in Germany, a lot of my colleagues at work still call me Mrs S.; inviting somebody to use your first name and call you “du” is often seen as a big occasion). Firstly, she showed me around, and that place is gorgeous! You can see some photos on the website above if you click about a bit, and it really does look like that in real life as well. It’s done up like a big flat - there are two birthing rooms, both painted in lovely warm colours, and with beds all made up with colourful duvets and loads of pillows. You couldn’t be any further away from a hospital if you tried. Then there’s a big bathroom with a huge round tub you can also birth in, a room for the courses (I signed up for my antenatal course straight away!) and a reception room. I immediately felt really at home and comfortable there.
The midwife made us a coffee (!) which we then took into the reception room, where we just chatted for like 45 minutes. The whole conversation was really relaxed, and yet informative. At no point did I get the feeling that she was rushed, or presenting me with a speech she’s learned off by heart. She was friendly and interested in me, and yet at the same time made me feel that she knew what she was doing, was competent and an expert in her field. She honextly told me the limitations they have there - situations in which I won’t even be allowed to try giving birth there (high blood pressure, breech position, etc.) and what they would do if I was there and things weren’t going the way we planned. They have limited resources for emergencies (oxygen for the baby, infusions etc.) but obviously they aren’t a hospital, and sometimes (but rarely) they reach their limits, at which point they are well-prepared for a transfer to somewhere better equipped. What I also like is that they always try to handle potential problems with natural methods (acupuncture, homeopathy), and I really got the impression they treat each person as an individual. She also mentioned that they don’t have any real schedule for a birth - as long as the baby and I are well, it doesn’t matter whether at what speed I’m dilating or anything…
Sorry, I’m waffling now, but I was just so impressed with the whole thing. I’m going for my first proper check up there on the 17th (cancelling the appointment with the psycho gyno from hell ;o), but today, the midwife felt my stomach, and actually told me where the head was, and we heard the heartbeat for the first time! Just little things, that made the whole thing seem more personal…
Anyway, I’m now praying even more for a healthy pregnancy, so that I can have my baby there!!
And, in other news, I just successfully completed NaBloPoMo!!! Hooray!!! And now I’m going to Marc’s parents’ for the weekend, and I won’t be posting at all!! Muahahahaha!

As I said yesterday, I have enjoyed NaBloPoMo. What I won’t miss, hwoever, are evenings like this one, where I am asleep on the couch and have nothing much to say, but have to drag myself to the computer to write about how today was a day like so many others, on which nothing really worthy of reporting took place…